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This is Why I Can’t Have Nice Things: Toychestra’s Sassy Pony

29 Jun

Because if you give me something nice, I will:

a) promptly lose it

b) promptly ruin it

c) promptly forget about it completely without ever using it

This doesn’t mean you should still get me something for my birthday.  This just means you should never, ever buy me anything with a fair market value of more than $20.

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Netflix Instant Review: Cry-Baby

18 Jun

I am a pretty decent John Waters fan.  I say “decent” as opposed to “avid” since I haven’t seen all of his movies.  I do count Female Trouble, however, as one of my all-time favorite films and have seen it dozens of times.  I’d also need two hands to count the number of times I’ve seen Pink Flamingos.  I can’t describe how ecstatic I was when, at twenty, I discovered that the shitty video store across the street from me had the (still) out-of-print Multiple Maniacs.

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Craigslist Casual Encounters: “I’d Rather Drink Gas and Piss on a Brush Fire”

15 Jun

I have long been a fan of Craigslist Casual Encounters.  Not of actually casually encountering anyone, but of reading the choicest posts aloud, in a variety of cartoonish voices.  This was especially entertaining the many years when I didn’t own a television and lived in the far east bay (read: “Redneck Territory”) where I didn’t really have anything to do at night other than troll the internet and talk to my cat.

Life is different now, but I still get drawn back into Casual Encounters on occasion.  I always think it’s going to be fun like the old days, knocking back a beer and reading a Daddy fantasy out loud in a poorly executed German accent while my cat eyes me with suspicion.  At some point in time, though, Casual Encounters jumped the shark for me.

I think it lost its luster when I started interacting with the Casual Encounters community, instead of just observing with admiration from afar.  That magical night when my friend and I were, inexplicably, up at 3 am, watching back to back Maury Povich clips, drunk on both alcohol and exhaustion, and we decided that we should post a casual encounters ad requesting impregnation because I “don’t like workin and want to go on matirnity leave.”  The responses to that post almost single-handedly destroyed my faith in humanity.

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